Summer fun!!

We have all kinds of fun stuff planned for this summer. Hopefully, I can do a good job documenting all the fun.
Today was bowling. It was fun! Lilly did so well, and actually beat me in the second game.







Monday we went to the library, and to have ice cream. This is Lilly with her current favorite book. She can read it all by herself!



Hoping this summer gets me motivated for better posting!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

3 years, and million hugs later...

This girl. Terrified out of her mind...


Becomes this girl. Confident.



Funny.



Artistic.




As I see ALL the things she becomes. I will never forget.




Just three years ago.




And in so many ways it seems like a million years ago. She's come so far. So many hugs. So many kisses, one step at a time.



For old times sake we put on the clothes.



And we remember that day that we became a family, we talk about it. Those beautiful eyes look at me and say, "I'm so glad we are a family now." and I say, "oh me too, sweet girl, me too".
Love, is a beautiful thing.


Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fun in the sun!

"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold. "



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

She did it!

Riding without training wheels!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Can you believe we are going on three years home with our sweet Lilly? To think of how far we have come is seriously crazy!
Giving and receiving hugs and kisses are by far her favorite thing. Just think, three short years ago, hugs and kisses were foreign to her. Now they are in abundance.
We have worked on medical stuff and made great progress.



We have worked on academics and made great progress there as well.
But by far the greatest gain has come emotionally. She loves with her whole heart.
Lilly is the hardest worker I have ever seen. She tries her best in everything she does. She is funny (see above picture with a lampshade on her head). She is creative and caring (see picture below of her making a swimming pool for the ants, complete with leaf floats).



She is my dream come true!!

She's in love....

It's no big secret that Lilly loves animals. All animals. Dogs, cats, even pigs. But she loves horses. Loves them. So today I surprised her with a riding lesson. I found out about a little farm tucked away in our community, and the owner gives lessons. How fun! Right down my girls alley!



Miss Lisa taught her how to brush the horse and put on the saddle.



Then she got to ride and showed her how to guide the horse. They even did some tricks.



The horse was so sweet. His name was Moonshine and he had pink shoes.




Link had fun watching. He wasn't sure about the horses. Or the dogs.



But Lilly sure had fun. She did not want to leave. I am sure we will be back. She is already asking about next time.

First day, first grade.

We are still jet lagged, and tired, but started school this morning anyway. I'm new to the homeschooling thing, but have been so blessed ton have so many great friends that homeschool to help me out. I'm so excited to have Lilly out of the classroom! I'm very lucky that she loves to learn, and we had a great first day. We learned about the angel Gabriel, did phonics, language arts, math, sight words, and more bible study. This afternoon we have some more things planned. It was so much fun! Link even had fun coloring while we worked. Day one so far so good.
Thank you all who followed us on Lincoln's blog to china. We were so blessed by your sweet words and comments.

Staking my claim.....

I know I have been absent. I have thought of writing this post 100 times, and yet I haven't. Until today. Today is the day that I am claiming it.

Over the past year and half, I have felt like a snowball rolling down hill. Picking up crud along the way. I've been rolling FAST, too fast. I haven't been able to enjoy the ride very much for worrying about getting THERE.

You see since we have adopted Lilly, I have been playing catch up. Catch up on attachment, catch up on socialization, catch up on education, catch up in language development, catch up on speech, catch up on cleft surgeries, catch up on immunizations, catch up on bonding. CATCH UP, quick, we have to CATCH UP. Are you overwhelmed yet? Because I am.

I haven't posted much about Lilly's last surgery. The bone graft. Third surgery in a year. Just about everything that could have went wrong did. Even requiring a second surgery (which is the 4th surgery) in a year to fix a freak occurrence from the 3rd surgery. Its A LOT.

Then there is school. She does okay.....but we aren't caught up. We are working on that. Attachment. Its always been difficult. Just when I think I have it all figured out, some new things come rearing their ugly heads. And speech. She has made so much progress, but still lacks in areas.

On top of all the catch up I have been dealing with.....the death of my precious grandmother (who died unexpectedly on the day Lilly had the 3rd surgery), my oldest going to college, my middle going to high school, another adoption, etc. I could go on but I think you get the point. Not fun stuff.

Through all this, it finally occurred to me. LET IT GO. I don't HAVE to play catch up anymore. EVERYTHING is not important right now. Right now, I need to love this girl where she is and stop trying to change her to fit the mold that I think she should fit. There is no way that I can catch up for 5 years of lost time over night. Why did I not realize that before? I only have to do what I HAVE to do. The rest will come in time.

"Time opens every door."

I'm staking my claim. I will not worry anymore about getting this child ahead. I will love her where she is planted, and watch her bloom. I will love her the same if she NEVER gets caught up. I want to enjoy more and worry less. It feels good actually, like I just shed a very heavy coat. I will prioritize and we will have small nibbles at life, in manageable pieces, not trying to eat the whole pie at one time.

I just have to love her where she is. Thats all. Its that simple.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Lillys Adoption video

Lillys adoption video is finally complete! Please watch it!

Lilly's Adoption Story from Jim Reece on Vimeo.

A single step

I have a bracelet. It speaks to my heart. Its not valuable really, to anyone but me. My Mom bought it for me during the wait for Lilly. Inscribed on the bracelet it says: The journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step. I have worn it over the years and clung to the words written on it.





A. Single. Step.

One single step. Where would I have been if I had not taken that one single step. What if I listened to the naysayers. What if I had never pursued adoption? What if I would have given up on Lilly's adoption because of the wait. What if I had never trusted God?

Look what I would have missed!

And this.....

Let go. Walk in faith. Take the first step. You don't have to see the whole picture before stepping out. You only have to trust that it is there.

They called us crazy. They still do. Heck, sometimes I think we are too. It doesn't matter what they say. In the end, it all works out to be beautiful.

Merry Christmas to all my cyber friends! I pray that this next year you take a single step in a journey to find your happiness.

BIG NEWS!

I interrupt my terrible blogging skills for this very important announcement:




We have recieved Pre approval to adopt Lilly a little brother. Get the full story at:

http://findingourmissinglink.blogspot.com

A new normal...

As you all know Lilly had her lip and nose revision last week. Of course we loved her face. The one that I studied every detail of since December of 2008. The face that was full of expression. I loved her crooked nose. I. Loved. That. Face.

Our cleft doctor is one of the best on the East coast. Let me say that first. He has a HUGE heart for these cleft kids, and made a commitment to me early on that he would do everything in his power to have her look as "normal" as possible. Which I appreciate....I really do.

BUT....

I can't get used to it.  I feel as if I am mourning the loss of my beautiful child's face.  I wonder if I did the right thing.  Of course, I knew the world wouldn't see the beauty that I did in Lilly's crooked smile. I miss it.  Its a new normal, I suppose.  Maybe with time I will appreciate it.

That is the way it is with Mom's.  We just love our kids, crooked nose and all, and we never want to change their appearance, even if we could. I looked at crooked, and saw perfection.

And I miss it.

Prayers please

I pray that all of my blogger friends will say a prayer for us today. Lilly is having her lip and nose revision, and possible bone graft. Its hard on a Momma heart for her baby to go through so much.Please pray for her doctors, nurses and all the other people who are trying to make things better for her. Pray for her parents too!

Also please pray for my grandmother. She fell last Friday and is bleeding on her brain. She is not responsive.

Two MAJOR things going on this week, so we can really use the prayers.

Updates coming soon! Thank you all!

So I started thinking.....

Today Lilly and I had quite the excursion! We were so tired of hanging around the house for the last few days, so we decide to go explore and see what we could find to get into. First we went to the butterfly museum. Lilly had so much fun looking at the animals and insects...well except the snakes, we were both a bit freaked out by those. Then we had lunch and decided to stop by a thrift store. Lilly is desperately looking for a Powerpuff Girl movie, which we have yet to find. Anyway, at the store there was a shelf of junkie toys that Lilly just HAD to check out. We were standing there, and I was as close to her as I could possibly be, doing NOTHING wrong, when a store employee came up to Lilly and said, in a mean way, " Where is your Mommy, you can not be here alone." Of course as soon as she said it Lilly looked up at me with the What did I do wrong look. Of course I told her I AM her Mommy, in my Momma bear voice. To which she said, " Oh well you don't look like her." I was so shocked, that I did not even have a come back (which if you know me, really IS a shock).

Which got me thinking....

I suppose everyone who looks at us together immediately thinks about our differences, and makes an assumption. I guess I was so shocked because I don't think about it. I look into my daughters face and see nothing more or less but my daughter. Thats all. The face of my child. I don't see Asian. I don't see adoption. I don't see different.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The employee did not think for a second that she was my daughter! Next time we go back, I WILL be wearing this shirt:


And Lilly will be sporting this one:


After that drama, we went to play at Fiesta Plaza, which was super fun! Then we had ice cream! While at Fiesta Plaza I was talking to this grandmother who had brought her grandchildren to play. She was nice enough, but then she asked "the question". You know the one, Why China? Why not adopt American kids. At this point I was beginning to feel like a carnival freak show. So I said, "well we just thank God that he pointed us to the child that we were meant to have and it has been absolutely perfect. We are so lucky to have her." Thankfully that shut her up. So the next time we go to Fiesta Plaza, I will be wearing a shirt that says this:And Lilly's will say this:




All in all we had a fabulous day, and I refuse to let anyone's ignorance get to me. Although had I had my shirt on and Lilly had her shirt on, and those people had this shirt on, a lot could have been avoided.
Ahhh! I think we will just enjoy a quiet day at home tomorrow.

A year of emotions

Finding words to sufficiently sum up the past year of our lives is nearly impossible. There has been every emotion known to man displayed. There were so many things I did not know, or think about a year ago. My heart and mind have grown right along with Lilly.

Initially there were big problems. The kind that are more than a little overwhelming. Luckily our Social Worker had warned us about these things, and we were as prepared as you possibly could be. I had read the books, but experiencing it yourself is a bit different. Lilly did not trust us....at all. She did not trust us to love her, feed her, cloth her, keep her safe, or any other thing that most 5 year old children take for granted. SO she controlled everything. She needed to be in control to keep herself safe, as she had done in China for 5 years of her life. No one really loved her there, so she made sure her needs were met herself. She had huge tantrums, not just kiddie tantrums, big ones, where she tried to hurt us and herself. Can you imagine being so scared at 5 years old that you feel you have to "fight" for yourself? I am sure in those moments if you would have asked her if she wanted to go back to China she may have very well said YES! How do you explain to this child that we love her more than anything and we WILL take care of her? You don't. Love is an action....we had to prove it. And slowly over time, she began to trust, and let her control go, and we saw a sweet beautiful daughter emerge from this frighted, terrified girl....and she started blooming, right before our eyes.

THAT is a beautiful thing.

As Lilly bloomed, and we came to understand more about her, attachment and bonding, things got much easier. Everyday she made progress. Everyday things became easier, everyday we worked hard and succeed. Little bitty baby steps. Was it hard? YES! Was it worth it? A million times YES! Would I do it again? In a second!

Our social worker did warn us about the risks, and the troubles we may have. BUT, there are many things our social worker did not tell us about. She did not tell us how every morning we would be so excited just to see her face, and know she is ours. She did not tell us that there will be days of abundant joy that make up for the bad days ten fold. She did not tell us that we would be on our knees thanking God for picking us to be her parents. She did not tell us that we would be the lucky ones.

I am glad she didn't because I would have never believed her.

The moment I laid eyes on Lilly I knew I could not love her anymore had she come to be mine through any different avenue. She was mine, just as my other two were. I love her no less or no more, and never will. She filled a hole in my heart, that I never really knew I had, and I think we filled one in her heart too. I know we were meant to be together, and that just about sums it up.

Forever Family.

365 days

May 11th, 2009, 8,000 miles away from home, 3:00 am, I toss and turn. Today is the day. We are told to be ready to go at 9:30 am, but at 4, I give into my restlessness and arise. So many emotions swirl that I could not possibly sleep. The day we have waited for over 3 years is finally here, who could sleep? I am sure I paced the floor so many times before we left that I must have worn the carpet. I changed my clothes 3 times.

The ride to the Civil Affairs office was long. I stared out the window watching more people than you could ever imagine on a street in America, go about their daily business. I remember it like yesterday. I have NEVER been more nervous in my life, scared to death of a 5 year old girl. Will she like us? Will she cry? Will she try to run away? Will she recognize us? Every scenario good and bad I played out in my head a 100 times that day.

When we finally made it to the office, it was very hot and small. There were some babies already there, with caregivers, some sleeping some crying, all unrealizing their lives were about to change. There were some parents there too, most of them were Spanish speaking. One by one the babies started being ushered in and handed out, but our Lilly was no where to be seen.

I paced and paced and finally her orphanage director called and said they were running late. I tried to relax and focus on the new families being formed and the beautiful little children. It was a madhouse though, hardly what I had imagined it to be. Surreal.

When I least expected it, she walked in. Expressionless, she looked at us, and studied our features as we did hers. You could tell she was scared, but she did not cry. We were allowed to ask the director some questions about her. She told me that Lilly had thrown up on the way to the office that morning. Ah, she was just as scared as me. She told me how smart Lilly was and how she made her bed nicely everyday. Besides that she had little to say, and did not tell me anything too personal about my child. I can't help but think she did not know about her. in no time we were done. I wish I had some fairy tell story but I do not. That quickly in that loud chaotic room were handed our child. Strangers were now a family.

We left and on the ride back to the hotel there had to be a million things Lilly was thinking. One single tear ran down her cheek as we left all she had ever known behind. That one tear symbolized so much. In that moment I questioned what we were doing to this sweet child and if it was right. That tear broke my heart. She was so brave, she was going through more than any 5 year old ever should have to.

Later that night, and for many months after she cried and grieved for all that was familiar. There is pain in adoption. For us that day was all we had dreamed of, but for our sweet girl, it was a living nightmare. I can not imagine. She has told us since then that she was "very, very scary Momma and Baba, in China, but now I love you."

We celebrate this day as a mark in time, 365 days since we united together, but I feel guilty about it in a way. It was such a traumatic time for her that I hate remembering the pain she felt.

Thank you God for the past 365 days of blessings you have bestowed on us.



For those who have been around for a year now, here is a before and after shot. We put the "China clothes" on (that she REFUSED to change in China) for old times sake. This time 365 days later she was mad that I made her put them on. Sorry I couldn't find an oreo. : )






I will be back soon with my reflections from this year.

Lilly-isms

I thought to mark the one year anniversary of the day we left for China, I would let you in on some insider, one-of -a -kind things about Lilly we have learned in the past year.

1) She loves music...all kinds really, especially Taylor Swift.

2) She loves art, all art, and will use anything as paper, including the wall.

3) Her nickname is 'Little Little", don't ask me why, I do not know, blame it on Baba.

4) She likes to play games, and loves to win. Warning she has been known to cheat.

5) She wants to let her hair grow to her ankles.

6) She would eat at McDonalds everyday, if I would let her.

7) Lilly is the perfect amount of part stubborn, part sweet, mixed with humor.

8) She desperately wants a sister her age, or so she thinks.

9) She has a magnetism that is undeniable.

10) She is as close to perfect as they come, or at least we think so.