Lilly's Adoption Story from Jim Reece on Vimeo.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A single step
I have a bracelet. It speaks to my heart. Its not valuable really, to anyone but me. My Mom bought it for me during the wait for Lilly. Inscribed on the bracelet it says: The journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step. I have worn it over the years and clung to the words written on it.
A. Single. Step.
One single step. Where would I have been if I had not taken that one single step. What if I listened to the naysayers. What if I had never pursued adoption? What if I would have given up on Lilly's adoption because of the wait. What if I had never trusted God?
Look what I would have missed!
A. Single. Step.
One single step. Where would I have been if I had not taken that one single step. What if I listened to the naysayers. What if I had never pursued adoption? What if I would have given up on Lilly's adoption because of the wait. What if I had never trusted God?
Look what I would have missed!
And this.....
Let go. Walk in faith. Take the first step. You don't have to see the whole picture before stepping out. You only have to trust that it is there.
They called us crazy. They still do. Heck, sometimes I think we are too. It doesn't matter what they say. In the end, it all works out to be beautiful.
Merry Christmas to all my cyber friends! I pray that this next year you take a single step in a journey to find your happiness.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
BIG NEWS!
I interrupt my terrible blogging skills for this very important announcement:
We have recieved Pre approval to adopt Lilly a little brother. Get the full story at:
http://findingourmissinglink.blogspot.com
We have recieved Pre approval to adopt Lilly a little brother. Get the full story at:
http://findingourmissinglink.blogspot.com
Thursday, September 30, 2010
A new normal...
As you all know Lilly had her lip and nose revision last week. Of course we loved her face. The one that I studied every detail of since December of 2008. The face that was full of expression. I loved her crooked nose. I. Loved. That. Face.
Our cleft doctor is one of the best on the East coast. Let me say that first. He has a HUGE heart for these cleft kids, and made a commitment to me early on that he would do everything in his power to have her look as "normal" as possible. Which I appreciate....I really do.
BUT....
I can't get used to it. I feel as if I am mourning the loss of my beautiful child's face. I wonder if I did the right thing. Of course, I knew the world wouldn't see the beauty that I did in Lilly's crooked smile. I miss it. Its a new normal, I suppose. Maybe with time I will appreciate it.
That is the way it is with Mom's. We just love our kids, crooked nose and all, and we never want to change their appearance, even if we could. I looked at crooked, and saw perfection.
And I miss it.
.JPG)
Our cleft doctor is one of the best on the East coast. Let me say that first. He has a HUGE heart for these cleft kids, and made a commitment to me early on that he would do everything in his power to have her look as "normal" as possible. Which I appreciate....I really do.
BUT....
I can't get used to it. I feel as if I am mourning the loss of my beautiful child's face. I wonder if I did the right thing. Of course, I knew the world wouldn't see the beauty that I did in Lilly's crooked smile. I miss it. Its a new normal, I suppose. Maybe with time I will appreciate it.
That is the way it is with Mom's. We just love our kids, crooked nose and all, and we never want to change their appearance, even if we could. I looked at crooked, and saw perfection.
And I miss it.
.JPG)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Prayers please
I pray that all of my blogger friends will say a prayer for us today. Lilly is having her lip and nose revision, and possible bone graft. Its hard on a Momma heart for her baby to go through so much.Please pray for her doctors, nurses and all the other people who are trying to make things better for her. Pray for her parents too!
Also please pray for my grandmother. She fell last Friday and is bleeding on her brain. She is not responsive.
Two MAJOR things going on this week, so we can really use the prayers.
Updates coming soon! Thank you all!
Also please pray for my grandmother. She fell last Friday and is bleeding on her brain. She is not responsive.
Two MAJOR things going on this week, so we can really use the prayers.
Updates coming soon! Thank you all!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
So I started thinking.....
Today Lilly and I had quite the excursion! We were so tired of hanging around the house for the last few days, so we decide to go explore and see what we could find to get into. First we went to the butterfly museum. Lilly had so much fun looking at the animals and insects...well except the snakes, we were both a bit freaked out by those. Then we had lunch and decided to stop by a thrift store. Lilly is desperately looking for a Powerpuff Girl movie, which we have yet to find. Anyway, at the store there was a shelf of junkie toys that Lilly just HAD to check out. We were standing there, and I was as close to her as I could possibly be, doing NOTHING wrong, when a store employee came up to Lilly and said, in a mean way, " Where is your Mommy, you can not be here alone." Of course as soon as she said it Lilly looked up at me with the What did I do wrong look. Of course I told her I AM her Mommy, in my Momma bear voice. To which she said, " Oh well you don't look like her." I was so shocked, that I did not even have a come back (which if you know me, really IS a shock).
Which got me thinking....
I suppose everyone who looks at us together immediately thinks about our differences, and makes an assumption. I guess I was so shocked because I don't think about it. I look into my daughters face and see nothing more or less but my daughter. Thats all. The face of my child. I don't see Asian. I don't see adoption. I don't see different.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. The employee did not think for a second that she was my daughter! Next time we go back, I WILL be wearing this shirt:
And Lilly will be sporting this one:
After that drama, we went to play at Fiesta Plaza, which was super fun! Then we had ice cream! While at Fiesta Plaza I was talking to this grandmother who had brought her grandchildren to play. She was nice enough, but then she asked "the question". You know the one, Why China? Why not adopt American kids. At this point I was beginning to feel like a carnival freak show. So I said, "well we just thank God that he pointed us to the child that we were meant to have and it has been absolutely perfect. We are so lucky to have her." Thankfully that shut her up. So the next time we go to Fiesta Plaza, I will be wearing a shirt that says this:
And Lilly's will say this:
All in all we had a fabulous day, and I refuse to let anyone's ignorance get to me. Although had I had my shirt on and Lilly had her shirt on, and those people had this shirt on, a lot could have been avoided.
Ahhh! I think we will just enjoy a quiet day at home tomorrow.
Which got me thinking....
I suppose everyone who looks at us together immediately thinks about our differences, and makes an assumption. I guess I was so shocked because I don't think about it. I look into my daughters face and see nothing more or less but my daughter. Thats all. The face of my child. I don't see Asian. I don't see adoption. I don't see different.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. The employee did not think for a second that she was my daughter! Next time we go back, I WILL be wearing this shirt:
And Lilly will be sporting this one:
After that drama, we went to play at Fiesta Plaza, which was super fun! Then we had ice cream! While at Fiesta Plaza I was talking to this grandmother who had brought her grandchildren to play. She was nice enough, but then she asked "the question". You know the one, Why China? Why not adopt American kids. At this point I was beginning to feel like a carnival freak show. So I said, "well we just thank God that he pointed us to the child that we were meant to have and it has been absolutely perfect. We are so lucky to have her." Thankfully that shut her up. So the next time we go to Fiesta Plaza, I will be wearing a shirt that says this:
And Lilly's will say this:All in all we had a fabulous day, and I refuse to let anyone's ignorance get to me. Although had I had my shirt on and Lilly had her shirt on, and those people had this shirt on, a lot could have been avoided.
Ahhh! I think we will just enjoy a quiet day at home tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A year of emotions
Finding words to sufficiently sum up the past year of our lives is nearly impossible. There has been every emotion known to man displayed. There were so many things I did not know, or think about a year ago. My heart and mind have grown right along with Lilly.
Initially there were big problems. The kind that are more than a little overwhelming. Luckily our Social Worker had warned us about these things, and we were as prepared as you possibly could be. I had read the books, but experiencing it yourself is a bit different. Lilly did not trust us....at all. She did not trust us to love her, feed her, cloth her, keep her safe, or any other thing that most 5 year old children take for granted. SO she controlled everything. She needed to be in control to keep herself safe, as she had done in China for 5 years of her life. No one really loved her there, so she made sure her needs were met herself. She had huge tantrums, not just kiddie tantrums, big ones, where she tried to hurt us and herself. Can you imagine being so scared at 5 years old that you feel you have to "fight" for yourself? I am sure in those moments if you would have asked her if she wanted to go back to China she may have very well said YES! How do you explain to this child that we love her more than anything and we WILL take care of her? You don't. Love is an action....we had to prove it. And slowly over time, she began to trust, and let her control go, and we saw a sweet beautiful daughter emerge from this frighted, terrified girl....and she started blooming, right before our eyes.
THAT is a beautiful thing.
As Lilly bloomed, and we came to understand more about her, attachment and bonding, things got much easier. Everyday she made progress. Everyday things became easier, everyday we worked hard and succeed. Little bitty baby steps. Was it hard? YES! Was it worth it? A million times YES! Would I do it again? In a second!
Our social worker did warn us about the risks, and the troubles we may have. BUT, there are many things our social worker did not tell us about. She did not tell us how every morning we would be so excited just to see her face, and know she is ours. She did not tell us that there will be days of abundant joy that make up for the bad days ten fold. She did not tell us that we would be on our knees thanking God for picking us to be her parents. She did not tell us that we would be the lucky ones.
I am glad she didn't because I would have never believed her.
The moment I laid eyes on Lilly I knew I could not love her anymore had she come to be mine through any different avenue. She was mine, just as my other two were. I love her no less or no more, and never will. She filled a hole in my heart, that I never really knew I had, and I think we filled one in her heart too. I know we were meant to be together, and that just about sums it up.
Forever Family.
Initially there were big problems. The kind that are more than a little overwhelming. Luckily our Social Worker had warned us about these things, and we were as prepared as you possibly could be. I had read the books, but experiencing it yourself is a bit different. Lilly did not trust us....at all. She did not trust us to love her, feed her, cloth her, keep her safe, or any other thing that most 5 year old children take for granted. SO she controlled everything. She needed to be in control to keep herself safe, as she had done in China for 5 years of her life. No one really loved her there, so she made sure her needs were met herself. She had huge tantrums, not just kiddie tantrums, big ones, where she tried to hurt us and herself. Can you imagine being so scared at 5 years old that you feel you have to "fight" for yourself? I am sure in those moments if you would have asked her if she wanted to go back to China she may have very well said YES! How do you explain to this child that we love her more than anything and we WILL take care of her? You don't. Love is an action....we had to prove it. And slowly over time, she began to trust, and let her control go, and we saw a sweet beautiful daughter emerge from this frighted, terrified girl....and she started blooming, right before our eyes.
THAT is a beautiful thing.
As Lilly bloomed, and we came to understand more about her, attachment and bonding, things got much easier. Everyday she made progress. Everyday things became easier, everyday we worked hard and succeed. Little bitty baby steps. Was it hard? YES! Was it worth it? A million times YES! Would I do it again? In a second!
Our social worker did warn us about the risks, and the troubles we may have. BUT, there are many things our social worker did not tell us about. She did not tell us how every morning we would be so excited just to see her face, and know she is ours. She did not tell us that there will be days of abundant joy that make up for the bad days ten fold. She did not tell us that we would be on our knees thanking God for picking us to be her parents. She did not tell us that we would be the lucky ones.
I am glad she didn't because I would have never believed her.
The moment I laid eyes on Lilly I knew I could not love her anymore had she come to be mine through any different avenue. She was mine, just as my other two were. I love her no less or no more, and never will. She filled a hole in my heart, that I never really knew I had, and I think we filled one in her heart too. I know we were meant to be together, and that just about sums it up.
Forever Family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
