As I recall all these things, I can't help but think about Lilly.
I did not know in a physical way what it was like to carry her inside my body. I did not get to survey her physical characteristic's upon birth. But across this great big Earth 8,000 miles away, there is a woman that does remember. I can only imagine she felt the same things when she was pregnant with Lilly as I felt with my two pregnancies. I am sure she rubbed her belly with anticipation to see the face of this child she was carrying. I am sure she wondered what she would look like, what she would smell like and how she would sound. I can't imagine how she felt the day she was born. Did she look at this daughter and realize that she had to make a choice? Did she search for another way? Did her heartbreak? I can't imagine it any other way. I am sure she studied her features and took note of each of them, knowing all too well that their time was limited. I can imagine that she held her tight to her chest, and tried to remember everything about her.
That is the heart of a mother.
I can't imagine how her heart must have broken when she realized that she was unable to keep this child that she loved. What was running through her mind on the day that she left her? She carefully wrote a note and tucked into this beautiful babies shirt, and waited for the perfect moment to walk away, leaving half of her heart behind, on a bench.... alone.
What does she feel now? I am sure she thinks about Lilly. I am sure she prays for her safety. I would think that thoughts swirl in her mind about what she looks like. Is she happy? Is she healthy? I wish there was someway to tell her those answers....but there is not. And Lilly as she gets older, will wonder those same things.
I know there is no way to know if this is exactly the way that Lilly's China Mommy felt that day. I can only imagine, based upon my own experience as a Mom. I pray for her daily. How can thank you be enough? I may not have had the experience of feeling her grow physically inside of me, but I have had the experience of having the thought of her grown in my heart. I waited for her. I longed to see her face. And now that she is here, I study her features for hours. Her toes, her nose, her ears. I look in her beautiful brown eyes. I hold her sweet little hand. I think and dream of her future. I pray that I will be the mother she needs me to be....just as I have done twice before her.
I hope one day I have the opportunity to thank this Mother for making a choice of hope for her daughter. Maybe if not in this life, I pray in Heaven. Most of all I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a mother THREE times. Three times the blessing, three times the fun, and I thank God he choose me...out of all the Mommies, in all the world, he chose me. Thankfully.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…” – Jeremiah 1:5
Two Mommies, one beautiful girl, and Gods plan for a precious child.