Thursday, March 18, 2010

Two Mommies

I remember pretty much everything about being pregnant, and I feel very blessed to experience it twice. I remember the morning sickness, being tired, and the food cravings. I remember feeling tired, my back aching, and swelling feet, but what I remember the most was the hopes and dreams I had for my unborn child. I imagined what they would look like, what they would smell like, and even how they would sound. I wondered what they would be when they grew up, and dreamed of their future. I waited with anticipation to see the face that I had dreamed of seeing for 9 months. When they were born I sat for hours holding them and taking note of each of their physical features. I held their tiny hands and thought about their future. I prayed I would be the mother they needed me to be. I remember it all like yesterday.

As I recall all these things, I can't help but think about Lilly.

I did not know in a physical way what it was like to carry her inside my body. I did not get to survey her physical characteristic's upon birth. But across this great big Earth 8,000 miles away, there is a woman that does remember. I can only imagine she felt the same things when she was pregnant with Lilly as I felt with my two pregnancies. I am sure she rubbed her belly with anticipation to see the face of this child she was carrying. I am sure she wondered what she would look like, what she would smell like and how she would sound. I can't imagine how she felt the day she was born. Did she look at this daughter and realize that she had to make a choice? Did she search for another way? Did her heartbreak? I can't imagine it any other way. I am sure she studied her features and took note of each of them, knowing all too well that their time was limited. I can imagine that she held her tight to her chest, and tried to remember everything about her.

That is the heart of a mother.

I can't imagine how her heart must have broken when she realized that she was unable to keep this child that she loved. What was running through her mind on the day that she left her? She carefully wrote a note and tucked into this beautiful babies shirt, and waited for the perfect moment to walk away, leaving half of her heart behind, on a bench.... alone.

What does she feel now? I am sure she thinks about Lilly. I am sure she prays for her safety. I would think that thoughts swirl in her mind about what she looks like. Is she happy? Is she healthy? I wish there was someway to tell her those answers....but there is not. And Lilly as she gets older, will wonder those same things.

I know there is no way to know if this is exactly the way that Lilly's China Mommy felt that day. I can only imagine, based upon my own experience as a Mom. I pray for her daily. How can thank you be enough? I may not have had the experience of feeling her grow physically inside of me, but I have had the experience of having the thought of her grown in my heart. I waited for her. I longed to see her face. And now that she is here, I study her features for hours. Her toes, her nose, her ears. I look in her beautiful brown eyes. I hold her sweet little hand. I think and dream of her future. I pray that I will be the mother she needs me to be....just as I have done twice before her.

I hope one day I have the opportunity to thank this Mother for making a choice of hope for her daughter. Maybe if not in this life, I pray in Heaven. Most of all I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a mother THREE times. Three times the blessing, three times the fun, and I thank God he choose me...out of all the Mommies, in all the world, he chose me. Thankfully.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…” – Jeremiah 1:5

Two Mommies, one beautiful girl, and Gods plan for a precious child.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Surgery Success!

We successfully survived the first of many surgeries that Lilly will have due to her cleft lip and palate. I was so nervous, but everything went as planned, and Lilly seems to be doing okay. It was quite traumatic at first, but quickly she is returning to her old self. I tell you if I had just had the same surgery I would not be happy at all....but she is, and actually went outside with Baba for awhile to enjoy the beautiful Carolina weather we are having today.

We feels so blessed that Lilly has an awesome craniofacial doctor in Charlotte! He is considered the "guru" of cleft kids, and is often called "the magician". Lilly also has the most AMAZING speech pathologist, named Susie, which Lilly adores! She also has a great craniofacial orthodontist that we will spend tons of time with for the next 15 years! All those people add up to a wonderful team of people dedicated to making life better for these cleft affected kids, adding to the many blessings that have been bestowed on us! This amazing team works tirelessly to make life easier for these kids. We were also treated like royalty by the fabulous workers at Levine's Children's Center. Who could ask for more?
I want to thank everyone who prayed for Lilly, us and the doctors. So many people stopped by to say hello, or called to see if we needed anything, offered food, brought Lilly gifts, emailed, and most of all prayed, and offered support of any kind. We have the best friends and family, and could not have made it through without all of you. Our extended adoption family via the Internet offered prayers from all around the world! That is a HUGE deal, and thank you seems so small compared to the gratitude in my heart, you will never know just how much you are appreciated!