Two Mommies

I remember pretty much everything about being pregnant, and I feel very blessed to experience it twice. I remember the morning sickness, being tired, and the food cravings. I remember feeling tired, my back aching, and swelling feet, but what I remember the most was the hopes and dreams I had for my unborn child. I imagined what they would look like, what they would smell like, and even how they would sound. I wondered what they would be when they grew up, and dreamed of their future. I waited with anticipation to see the face that I had dreamed of seeing for 9 months. When they were born I sat for hours holding them and taking note of each of their physical features. I held their tiny hands and thought about their future. I prayed I would be the mother they needed me to be. I remember it all like yesterday.

As I recall all these things, I can't help but think about Lilly.

I did not know in a physical way what it was like to carry her inside my body. I did not get to survey her physical characteristic's upon birth. But across this great big Earth 8,000 miles away, there is a woman that does remember. I can only imagine she felt the same things when she was pregnant with Lilly as I felt with my two pregnancies. I am sure she rubbed her belly with anticipation to see the face of this child she was carrying. I am sure she wondered what she would look like, what she would smell like and how she would sound. I can't imagine how she felt the day she was born. Did she look at this daughter and realize that she had to make a choice? Did she search for another way? Did her heartbreak? I can't imagine it any other way. I am sure she studied her features and took note of each of them, knowing all too well that their time was limited. I can imagine that she held her tight to her chest, and tried to remember everything about her.

That is the heart of a mother.

I can't imagine how her heart must have broken when she realized that she was unable to keep this child that she loved. What was running through her mind on the day that she left her? She carefully wrote a note and tucked into this beautiful babies shirt, and waited for the perfect moment to walk away, leaving half of her heart behind, on a bench.... alone.

What does she feel now? I am sure she thinks about Lilly. I am sure she prays for her safety. I would think that thoughts swirl in her mind about what she looks like. Is she happy? Is she healthy? I wish there was someway to tell her those answers....but there is not. And Lilly as she gets older, will wonder those same things.

I know there is no way to know if this is exactly the way that Lilly's China Mommy felt that day. I can only imagine, based upon my own experience as a Mom. I pray for her daily. How can thank you be enough? I may not have had the experience of feeling her grow physically inside of me, but I have had the experience of having the thought of her grown in my heart. I waited for her. I longed to see her face. And now that she is here, I study her features for hours. Her toes, her nose, her ears. I look in her beautiful brown eyes. I hold her sweet little hand. I think and dream of her future. I pray that I will be the mother she needs me to be....just as I have done twice before her.

I hope one day I have the opportunity to thank this Mother for making a choice of hope for her daughter. Maybe if not in this life, I pray in Heaven. Most of all I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a mother THREE times. Three times the blessing, three times the fun, and I thank God he choose me...out of all the Mommies, in all the world, he chose me. Thankfully.


Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…” – Jeremiah 1:5

Two Mommies, one beautiful girl, and Gods plan for a precious child.

Surgery Success!

We successfully survived the first of many surgeries that Lilly will have due to her cleft lip and palate. I was so nervous, but everything went as planned, and Lilly seems to be doing okay. It was quite traumatic at first, but quickly she is returning to her old self. I tell you if I had just had the same surgery I would not be happy at all....but she is, and actually went outside with Baba for awhile to enjoy the beautiful Carolina weather we are having today.



We feels so blessed that Lilly has an awesome craniofacial doctor in Charlotte! He is considered the "guru" of cleft kids, and is often called "the magician". Lilly also has the most AMAZING speech pathologist, named Susie, which Lilly adores! She also has a great craniofacial orthodontist that we will spend tons of time with for the next 15 years! All those people add up to a wonderful team of people dedicated to making life better for these cleft affected kids, adding to the many blessings that have been bestowed on us! This amazing team works tirelessly to make life easier for these kids. We were also treated like royalty by the fabulous workers at Levine's Children's Center. Who could ask for more?
I want to thank everyone who prayed for Lilly, us and the doctors. So many people stopped by to say hello, or called to see if we needed anything, offered food, brought Lilly gifts, emailed, and most of all prayed, and offered support of any kind. We have the best friends and family, and could not have made it through without all of you. Our extended adoption family via the Internet offered prayers from all around the world! That is a HUGE deal, and thank you seems so small compared to the gratitude in my heart, you will never know just how much you are appreciated!

Adoption and God

I ran across this post on a fellow bloggers site. I hope the words touch you as strongly as they have me. She said beautifully everything that I feel in my heart.

STORING UP TREASURES LOVE IS AN ACTION

9 months home...Too good to be true.

WOW! Nine months home. Where has the time gone? Its funny because in one way it seems that Lilly has been here forever, and in another way it seems like just yesterday we were preparing to leave for China. Nine. Short. Months. Everything has changed for this little girl, for the best, but still EVERYTHING has changed. As a preschool teacher for many years, I would notice children who started to show signs that something was different at home. Relatives in town? Mom and Dad fighting? A different schedule? All of these little things can send a child all out of whack. Yet with Lilly it is not one of these small things that have changed for her, its everything, there is not one part of her life that is the same as it was nine months ago. I remember this time last year questioning how all of these changes would work out for her. Was I doing the right thing? In the end, I knew I was, this girl deserved a family to love her forever. Although change hurts, sometimes we have to experience it to move on to better things. My daughter amazes me! Who has that sort of resilience? My girl does.


I can honestly say that I feel we have come full circle in nine months. Attachment and bonding are great. No sensory problems. Behavior is wonderful 99.9% of the time. She is excelling in preschool. She is genuinely happy, mostly all the time. That is the one thing that people keep telling me....she is so happy! Actually I keep reading more and more books to see if I can find something I am missing. It really can not be this good, this fast? But it is, and of course we have all worked hard to get to the point we are at now, although it has not really seemed like work, just more like being open to meeting Lilly where she was emotionally, and taking baby steps together.

If you are reading my blog as a first timer, I will gladly help any way I can if you are considering adopting an older child, or adopting in general. You can contact me through the CONTACT US button on the side of the blog. I really can not put in to words what a blessing this adoption has been for our family, such a wonderful blessing that I want everyone to experience what we have experienced. I didn't have it all figured out before adopting Lilly, I walked in faith, and kept walking. It has been a beautiful journey, to a beautiful little girl!

Happy Nine Months home Lilly Yin, and forever to go!

Snow day!!!

Lilly was sure excited to wake up and see all the snow on the ground! She was even more excited when we bundled up and went out for some sledding. She says she has never played in the snow before. I explained to her on snow days, we play in the snow, and stay around in warm pajamas all day by the fireplace. She liked that....and now she wants everyday to be a snow day! It is not often that we get snow around here, so I doubt we will get anymore. It was fun while it lasted!

Long time coming...

Sorry guys...I know it has been awhile. So much has been going on, and nothing at the same time. Lilly is doing sooo well.

God is so good! Life is so good! Just a couple of years ago I was so depressed and down, wondering how all of these dreams to adopt would play out. I knew God was in it, and I knew my daughter was in China, but I also knew referrals were moving at a snails pace. I was in a valley, and I did not see the way out, and there were mountains surrounding me. My job was horrible, Matthew was working ALL the time, two jobs, the house was a mess, we had no money and I felt my life was chaos. I look back at that dark time in my life today, and reflect. God is so wonderful and always on time. Today as I write, my husband only works one job which allows him more time with us. Lilly is here and doing well. I have been able to stay home with her, and spend more time with my other two, I am genuinely happy. The house is still a mess...but most of that mess is caused my one of the greatest blessing I have ever received. Money is still tight, but we are keeping our head above water. I am completely humbled by these miracles. Our life is not perfect, we have challenges, but I feel as if I am on top of the mountain looking out at all the wonderful possibilities that await for each of us. I say all that for this reason. If you are in the valley in your life...keep praying, keep pressing on, never lose hope, and never doubt that God is right there with you. He is always on time. Even when we do not realize it. The path is not always easy, the road is not always straight...but press on. If I would not have I would have missed the opportunity to be a Mommy to this precious girl. I cherish everyday with her, because I know I could have easily missed it. We could have given up our adoption dream, we could have said No. We could have missed her hugs, laughter, joy,and sense of humor. Thank God we didn't. This is a verse that helped me many times when I was waiting, and my life was not at all where I wanted it to be.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I clung to this verse during that time. I knew God had a plan, but it was hard to trust him completely. But now I see I HAD to wait...I had to wait to get her..not just any her, my her, my daughter. When I look into those beautiful brown eyes, I know we could have missed it all.

Christmas photos...

I can't get my thoughts and words to align tonight for some reason, so I will just upload the pictures. If Lilly looks confused, its because she is....she kept saying "all of it for me?"...